I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
