He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
