he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
