i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
