My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
