You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
