I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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