the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
