I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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