literally had 100 drinks last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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