The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
