i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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