Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
