Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
