Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
