why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
