don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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