I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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