My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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