I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
