Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there's paper in my vomit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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