I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
