omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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