i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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