Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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