We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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