I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
