I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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