just tell him i said nine months
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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