you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
