Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
