I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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