Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
