i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
