Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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