i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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