I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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