peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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