Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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