Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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