Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
