And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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