Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
