im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
