Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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