i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
