If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
