I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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