My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
