one two three fourrrrnication!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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