At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
