dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
