I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
