Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
