Welp...herpes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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