if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
