i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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